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A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
“But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.”
“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer.
I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
“But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding… He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”
“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”
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In honor of Robert Vlasic, who died a couple of weeks ago - one of his own jokes.
Why did the pickle close its eyes?
It saw the salad dressing.
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A father came home from a ten day deer hunting trip to find his son riding a very expensive new mountain bike.
He asked his son, “Where did you get the money for that new bike? It must have cost a fortune.”
His son answered, “I earned it by hiking.”
The father said, “Come on now son, tell me the truth.”
His son said, “That is the truth! Every night that you were gone, Mr. Jones from the grocery store would come over to see mom and each time he’d give me a $20 bill and tell me to go take a hike!”
As long as we are making metric system jokes:
- (Louie De Palma) “Ignatowski. Where have you been all week?”
- (“Reverend” Jim Ignatowski) “I don’t work weekends.”
- (Louie De Palma) “You been gone nine days.”
- (“Reverend” Jim Ignatowski) “Yeah --”
- (Tony Banta) “Jim, weekends are only two days.”
- (“Reverend” Jim Ignatowski) “Oh, I thought we’d switched to the metric system.”
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That’s true for half the country, righties I know still have a sense of humor and laugh a lot. Lefties seem angry and bitter even though their hero Biden is in the White House and Dems are running Congress.
Hey. Wait a minute.
Someone asked Siri to check the weather and then said : “Surely it’s not going to rain again today?”
Siri replied: “It is, and don’t call me Shirley!”
Then that person realized that they forgot to take their phone off of “airplane” mode 
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We are camping at robbers cave state park. Today we went hiking to the cave. When we got there we found Outlaw Motorcycle Club hanging out at robbers cave along the outlaw hiking trail.
