I am 40. I am wanting to make some choices and changes. I don’t know how to make the changes.
I am wondering what is respect? Is it not being harsh? Is it where you take your time to include someone’s input rather than to just do it your way?
I’m just looking for guidance. There’s a lot I’d like to change. I know what I need to change but figuring out how to implement and figuring out what to work on is sometimes overwhelming, especially as you’re having to adjust to each situation and you’re having to interpret what people say.
So I was looking to brainstorm? I thought of this post by reading brobbs about his coworkers.
Are talking about respecting others or being respected? For me, something that was life changing was the Dale Carnegie Course. I did it 30 years ago and I don’t know if it’s considered too "old school " thesee days or not. A lot of people think that it is a public speaking course, since you have to give a short talk or two during every session. But it is much more than that. It helps to build self confidence. It teaches you how to work with people. Indeed, the title of the main book is “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. The other book is “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”. The course was developed in 1912, but I think there is still a place for it today. IT helps to think on your feet. One thing I used throughout my career was in the stop worrying book. The steps were basically to identify the WORST that can happen. Then, identify what you would do if the worst actually did happen. That way, you already know your strategy for the worst and can focus on the issue without worry.
Another good book is called Leadership and Self Deception. It helps identify the things you are doing that are hampering relations in business and at home. It talked about treating people like people and not objects. It was developed by the Arbinger Institute in Salt Lake City. I attended that training that the county actually allowed me to take. In the days when I really liked my job, I was looking for ways to make our workplace better. They had employee engagement surveys and our department scored low - mid 50’s in employee satisfaction. I went to the department director and asked if I could investigate the “why”. And I bought about 20 copies of this book for employees to read and they let me set up meetings that were completely optional, but attendance at them was surprisingly high. I used things from Arbinger. The following year our employ engagement numbers were 85%. And I never had more fun with my job. Then management learned that I knew a doctor was using a laptop he didn’t sign in to and that ended that.
At any rate, I would recommend these two things as “life changing”. Arbinger was especially good
When I was a teenager my mother surprised me when I told her about a disagreement I had with a good friend. Instead of telling me that I was right she told me that I should try to understand the situation from my friends perspective. There are many situations where neither party is completely right or completely wrong so it is important to understand the others point of view to resolve a problem with mutual respect. By.the way, I first met this friend when her family moved five houses away from us during the middle fifties and over sixty years later we are still good friends.
Respect means one party acknowledges the other’s power by showing politeness or deference. It can be, but is not necessarily, mutual.
In civilized society, how you conduct yourself is the primary factor in whether others respect you. Your body language, confidence, ability to tolerate criticism, willingness to engage when challenged, etc.
I mentioned this in the other thread; I’ll mention it one more time. No More Mr. Nice Guy, by Robert Glover. Every man should read it. Women should read it too actually.
How to Win Friends and Influence People was required reading in college and yes, it was helpful.
It was getting people to talk about themselves to gain rapport and show you care about them. Now that I explain this, I realize just how much I forgot from the book in my last ten years.
But I also agree that going to a motivational seminar instead of skill building doesn’t give you anything except a temporary good feeling
Would Dave Ramsey fall into the category of motivational especially the financial coaching series?
MOtivational speakers are guys like Tony Robbins. A lot of the stuff is okay, but you’re going to be hounded to go to more classes or seminars.
I would really recommend Leadership and Self Deception and the companion book The Anatomy of Peace . Both of these deal with understanding others and the role you play in it. If applies to business life as well as personal life. If you have a “difficult” teenager, it helps in better understanding and communicating with them.
I agree it is a great book. IMO it is needed just as much now as it was back then.
Idk about back then, but these days it seems that institutional leaders suffer from extreme self absorption and narcissism, to such an extent that they never get to know their subordinates.
I would like to share a funny story related to this topic. When I was growing up my mother use to tell that instead of using I to express an opinion I should use a more generic word and I shouldn’t use my hands as much when I talked. So I subsequently changed those habits.
Then when I was in my thirties and held a middle management position in the corporate world I was required to attend a management development seminars a few times a years.
At one of them we had to give an impromptu speech on a topic that was given to us. When it was my turn I was told mine was excellent but they wanted to give me two suggestions. One was to use I more often and the other was to use more hand gestures.
I found it ironic that what my mother discouraged me from doing to be a young lady was the opposite of what supervisors in the corporate world considered to be desirable
Similar, when my daughter was competing in Speech and Debate one judge would comment that she was too animated, while another judge would comment that her hand and body movement are what made her speech so good.
It seems that some people have the ability to do that without really thinking about it knowing intuitively what is enough and what is too much. I never thought much about it until I served as a judge during the school’s moot court prep. By then, I had taken a couple of public speaking courses for work and could pick out those who just did it seamlessly, adding emphasis to their points, and those who consciously made sure to do it and generally looked uncomfortable. Knowing one’s material is also a big factor.
I judged a couple of the Speech and Debate events and one poor girl literally didn’t have half of her speech memorized.
I scored her low, but made sure I put some constructive comments as to what she did right so she could build on it.
Now, this type of stuff is extremely subjective, and I had two speeches that were very close, both did an amazing job, my decision as to who would get on point higher is that one of them was about Batman.
