Creepy
She needs a new boyfriend. He’s got trust issues and it ain’t worth being with someone who seeks that level of control. It’s time to move on. Someone like that can become abusive. Safety first
I’'m losing my daughter to someone like this. The trouble is, she knows it, but she is acting worse than she did when she was 15. He made her cancel her FAcebook account, he’s tracking her browsing activity and telling her “it’s just something wifi does”, he takes her phone, he doesn’t like that she has to text her ex husband to to discuss relationship threatening things like - when do you want me to get their son. She can’t be friends with another guy at work who makes her laugh because…well…,it’s not right. And last but not least - he feels her son is “in the way”. I don’t want my grandson in a place where a manipulative person doesn’t want him around, but I’m pretty sure he will accomplish his mission of alienating her from her parents when I work with her ex to give him temporary custody of my grandson. But it’s all okay because “I love him”. It hurts really bad, but I can’t stand to see what my kid is becoming.
So sorry. We want to track our kids but this would not be tolerated; trust is critical in any relationship
So frustrating. As an adoptive dad to two teens, I wouldn’t tolerate this from my wife and yes it’s so frustrating your daughter is enabling the emotional abuse. My kids come first if I had to choose
Yep, trust is one of the most important things in a relationship, the second is communication.
Oh…it’s important, and I never thought I’d be facing this again. But a narcissistic, controlling personality can make the abused feel like the lack of trust is their fault. IT really hurts when you can see that they know this is bad news, but feel like they found their soul mate. Things are going to get ugly in my life. I only hope that the welfare of her child outweighs the willingness to let someone walk all over her…
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Why?
What has disrupted your daughter’s self confidence so badly that she cannot see what a loser this guy is?
Sorry You’re going through that. My kid was dating a kid like that briefly. I told the kid I’d beat him like a baby seal if he didn’t go away.
Luckily my kid ditched him on her own. She said I raised her to be independent.
Maybe your daughter will have a moment where she realizes it’s not worth it.
ETA: To be clear this is not a critique of your parenting. At a certain point, children develop their own brains and do their own thing which often leaves us mystified as to the actions they’re taking. My kid has done some dumb stuff, just as when I was her age, I did some dumb stuff.
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With a lot of single moms, they feel they need to compromise to get a man. They have a fear of being alone and often will take less to feel complete.
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I thought we went thru that when she was 15. She did see a counselor, although I wanted her to go to the counselor she saw when she was 15…someone who knew what she had experienced before. But she didn’t want that. A big part of her knows it’s not riight. She called me at 2 in the morning in tears and told me about the trust issues, the taking of her phone, the tracking of her web activity. That night (while he was at work) she packed up a bunch of my grandsons clothes and took them to my exes house. BUT…“we had a great talk for 3 hours and we are on the same page”. That was Sunday night. THEN…Thursday - they jet off to Orlando for 3 days. I have an app on my phone that I gave to her that allows her to see where I am, in case I have issue on a bike ride. She allowed me access to her. I saw that she was in Atlanta - she never said she was going anywhere. Then she told me that it was planned, but she told her mom it was a surprise vacation. I’m pretty sure she was being “love bombed” for 3 days and is now convinced he is the greatest guy in the world. But what she told me Sunday night…I don’t want my grandson under the same roof with this guy.
The worst part is - she may well have fucked up her career…they work at the same place. And to get away from him would mean getting away from the place she really wanted to work. The stars were aligning so well for her. Now…sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground.
I’ve seen that many times and unfortunately some men know this and use it to control the woman. My buddies younger brother only dated single mothers, not to control them but because they were easier to impress. He never planned on sticking around with them but finally found a woman he married and they just had their second kid together.
That is the problem, without a true threat, he can’t be removed from the situation.
My kid wants a boyfriend badly. Luckily she has only made one really bad choice and she ditched him before I had to club him like a baby seal.
Luckily she had a nice man she is dating now. Her mother was upset he was older, she is 21 and he is 28. I personally don’t care. He is a good man.
You know your daughter best but you need to think about how you can get her to see the light. If I want my child to break up with someone, I tell her that she is lucky, her new beau is just like her biological father. It works every time.
You also know they put out.
All joking aside, single moms tend to be shit shows. I think that is why they crave a man. It makes them feel more complete.
I always had a policy of not dating women with children.
I’ve hooked up with women with kids but I was very clear that’s all it was. If a guy doesn’t want an instant family he should let her know. My buddy married a women with a daughter, the ex wasn’t in the picture and my buddy raised her as his own and even adopted her. The kids dad was an alcoholic and his mom met my buddy and she talked her son into signing papers giving up his parental rights.
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Here’s the thing. Her situation is eerily similar to what her mom did to me. A manipulative person only has to listen…then do the opposite. Listen to what is wrong with her marriage…then do and say things that make you appear like the greatest thing since sliced bread. And if anybody here has never had any rough spots in a marriage, I’d say you are lying. As things become clearer, I’m pretty sure that this asshole convinced her to divorce her husband. Just like the guy her mom was involved with did. And she HATED the guy her mom took up with. Because he did the same things to her mom that this clown is doing to her. Her mom finally broke free of her captor…I’m only hoping that my kid can do the same.
And from the little I’ve seen of “discipline”. My poor grandson has been “disciplined” more times in one month that my kid was in 20 years. And he’s disciplined for being a kid. I know that there will be a lot to get the grandson, but if it comes to that, her mother and I will do everything we can to get temporary custody assigned to her ex husband. He had his flaws, but he is a good man and a great father. Wish I could say the same for my daughter…but she is giving up her parenting to some asshole that doesn’t want her kid around. I’m not sure how often a family court judge sees the parents of a woman fighting on the side of her ex spouse.
And I can’t close without saying - joking or not, I rather resent your first comment.
This explains a lot.
There is probably something sub conscious about being with someone you have familiarity with.
Man, I am sorry…this sounds horrifying! I know it’s never this simple but I could never imagine my 21 year old daughter allowing this to happen. My girlfriend put up with this and worse 10 years ago with a boyfriend, she did learn a lot about herself from that relationship.
Good luck to you and especially your daughter.
And I could never imagine my 28 year old allowing it to happen.
As an adoptive parent, this is ridiculous. My kids absolutely come first even before the wife
It’s probably more common than would be expected for the family of the woman saying their child is an idiot and the best interest of the child is with the ex.
That said one’s sex life needs to take a back seat to your children. These kids in foster care suffer severe trauma because of the selfish want to have a man
If that’s true he’s an insecure asshole and he’s afraid someone is going to do it to him. I can’t offer any advice, but hopefully someone does it to him and your daughter sees him for what he really is. Good luck.