Jokes that may be in poor taste

The water cooler
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A rich Arab walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy close by wearing a Jewish cap, a prayer shawl, and has traditional locks of hair.

He has no doubt this guy is Jewish, so the Arab shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear:

‘Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for the Jew over there’.
Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Jew gives him a big smile, waves at him, then says: ‘Thank you’, in an equally loud voice.
This infuriates the Arab. He once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Jew.

As before, this does not seem to bother the Jewish guy. He continues to smile, and again yells: ‘Thank you’.

The Arab asks the bartender: “What’s the matter with that Jew?
I’ve ordered two rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all he does is smile and thank me.”

The bartender replies: ‘He owns the place’.

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"In the winter of 1926, Thelma Goldstein from Chicago treated herself to her first real vacation in Florida.

Being unfamiliar with the area, she wandered into a restricted hotel in North Miami.

“Excuse me,” she said to the manager. “My name is Mrs. Goldstein, and I’d like a small room for two weeks.”

“I’m awfully sorry,” he replied, “but all of our rooms are occupied.”

Just as he said that, a man came down and checked out.

“What luck,” said Mrs. Goldstein. "Now there’s a room.

“Not so fast, Madam. I’m sorry, but this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed.”

“Jewish? Who’s Jewish? I happen to be Catholic.”

“I find that hard to believe. Let me ask you, who was the Son of God?”

“Jesus, Son of Mary.”

“Where was he born?”

“In a stable.”

“And why was he born in a stable?”

“Because a bigot like you wouldn’t let a Jew rent a room in his hotel!”

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That’s funny.

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A young guy from North Carolina moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says “Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Carolina.”

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he’d give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

“You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

“How many customers bought something from you today?” The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, “One”. The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.

That will have to change, and soon, if you’d like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Carolina, but you’re not in the mountains anymore, son."

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), “So, how much was your one sale for?”

The kid looks up at his boss and says “$101,237.65”.

The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, “Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.”

The boss said “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?”

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing

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In the eighteen years Harry has been married his wife has had a boob job, a nose job,dyed her hair and finally a facelift.

Yet whenever they argue, her favorite line is always, " You’re not the man I married."

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A woman calls her mother up, she is all excited.

Mama, mama, I just got elected President of the United States.

I want you to come to the inauguration and watch me get sworn in. You’ll sit in the front row it’ll be fantastic.

“What will I wear?”

Don’t worry Mama I Will Buy You a beautiful gown to wear.

“And how will I get there?”

Mama, Mama, I will send the limousine for you, to pick you up and take you home.

Her mother arrives by limousine and is dressed beautifully. She is escorted to the front row, where she is seated next to other dignitaries.

As the inauguration begins, she speaks to the person seated next to her.

You see that woman up there, she asks?

“Her brother is a Doctor!”

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Sally and Irving are golf partners who have been married for over 40 years. One day Irving says to Sally, “I have to confess something because I love you so much! 12 years ago I had an affair! It only lasted for three days but I have felt guilty about it ever since and I just wanted to get it off my conscience!”

Sally replies, “ I also have a confession. I married you when I was 20 years old, but at 18 I had a sex change because I had been a man up ‘til then!”

Irving starts cursing up a storm, stumps his feet and starts yelling! Sally asks, “ Why are you so upset?“

“Because for all these years I have been letting you hit off the ladies tees!”

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Parking ticket in Canada
My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, “Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?” He just ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

I called him an “a**hole.” He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.

So my wife called him a “s*ithead.” He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.

We always look for cars with Justin Trudeau stickers. We try to have a little fun each day now that we’re retired. It’s so important at our age!!

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