Jokes for August

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That is really good!!

My sister in law was going through a Holy Roller stage when the Harry Potter books were popular and was not going to let her step son read them.
I asked her if she had read them, she said “No”, and I just said “oh”, and walked away.
My wife almost died holding in her laugh.

But they contain real spells and witchcraft!

Yeah, my kid hasn’t Adava Kadarva’d anyone yet, but he reads.

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Wiper_Blades

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An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a lion heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old Doberman thinks, “Oh, oh! I’m in deep shit now!”

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the lion is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious lion! I wonder, if there are any more around here?”

Hearing this, the young lion halts his attack in mid-stride, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

“Whew!,” says the lion, “That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me!”

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the lion. So, off he goes. The squirrel soon catches up with the lion, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the lion.

The young lion is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!”

Now, the old Doberman sees the lion coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?,” but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says “Where’s that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another lion!”

Moral of this story…

Don’t mess with the old dogs… Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! Brilliance only comes with Age and Experience.

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From about 20 years ago:

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image

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I have friends in the restaurant industry, they like this one!

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, ‘Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?’

Bob replies, ‘Girlfriend? She’s my wife!’

They are knocked over, but continue to ask. ‘So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?’

‘I lied about my age,’ Bob replies.

‘What, did you tell her you were only 50?’

Bob smiles and says, ‘No, I told her I was 90.’

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