Jokes for August

Walking home after a girls’ night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it.

Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman’s husband phones the second woman’s husband, furious: “My wife came home last night without her panties!”

“That’s nothing,” says the other. “Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, ‘From all of us at the fire station, we’ll never forget you.’”

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This is an actual headline on Yahoo, but it’s kind of a joke.

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This was last year when the Gates announced their divorce.

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pornbikes

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Ive seen this meme for mountain bikes. There was a time where i couldnt stop looking at MTB porn, it nearly ruined my relationship with my perfectly amazing mountain bike.

Im better now.

Think that wins the thread for the month at least.

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Dinosaur_senior_ moment

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In a related joke, 30 minutes ago I saw a ‘Massive Financial burden on board’ sticker on a SUV.

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They say it now cost $300,000 to raise a kid. Seems high to me but nonetheless kids do cost some serious coin. My 5 year old asks how much things cost. She usually asks does it cost 1 million dollars. I found a fake $1MM bill and gave it to her. She said I was rich! I went to the bank to get cash out the other day since I have to spend buckets of cash buying hay this year. I had about 8500 mostly in hundreds and I had her help me count it several times. I then will try and translate this to how much things cost. Back when I was a kid, credit cards were not as widely used as today. Most are cashless and for the most part, I use my CC all the time. I am trying to teach her about money and hopefully she gets more interested in it. She has a couple piggy banks and a purse. She probably has $100 or so now in her purse.