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I have a tile roof, so if things start shaking I’m getting under my desk. Those tiles are heavy. 
A couple is on holiday in Jerusalem
A man and his nagging wife were on a holiday in Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife died.
The mortician told the man, “You can ship her home for $5,000 or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for only $150.”
The man thought about it for a minute, then decided he would have her shipped home.
The mortician asked the man, “Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home when she could be buried here in Jerusalem for only $150?”.
The man replied, “Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance”.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the ref was blowing fowls on the other side.
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OMG Hot dog straws lol
